I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
