Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
