Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Semen is not good for contacts.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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