she was so not down for the gang bang
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
