I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
My vagina just clenched in fear
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
