hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
