I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
