All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
