I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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