So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
well you can't waste a boner
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
