Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
