he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I'm experimenting with sincerity
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