At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
