Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
