Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
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