it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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