Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
