The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
