haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Congratulations! We have a period
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