It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
