I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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