let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
