Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
