i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
