I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
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