i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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