TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
