Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
