Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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