I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
