I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
