I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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