I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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