I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
