Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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