Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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