if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
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