Whats the glycemic index on semen?
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
