I want you more than these girls want KFC
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
