I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
