i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Randomize
