Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
the condom got lost in my hair
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Everclear isn't food dammit
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
