i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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