So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
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