I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
