honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
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