You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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