Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
