That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Randomize
