I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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