my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
